No Second Options

What do you do when you only want one thing? What do you do when there is no back-up plan? What do you do when there is no second option?

I am sitting in my living room watching Santa Clause 3, trying to ignore all the things I am supposed to be doing. I am supposed to be completing doctoral applications. I am supposed to be finishing my classwork for the end of the semester. I am supposed to be budgeting my bills so none of them are turned off in the coming weeks. All these things I am supposed to be doing but I find myself sitting in front of the computer watching Santa Clause 3... A movie I am not even the least bit interested in... but it's a diversion. A diversion from reality.

I have no back-up plan. What will I do if I don't get into a doctoral program? What will I do if no one wants me?

I have no idea...

So I am sitting here, lost in my thoughts... listening to the rain fall on my windowpane... and I am practicing the old art of avoidance.

Maybe if I don't finish the applications then I don't have to worry about being denied...

But then, where will I go? What will I do?

Because I don't have any second options...