In a Sentimental Mood

Doesn't it make your heart smile when you find a song that says the very words you can't put into words? Tonight, Duke Ellington and John Coltrane are doing just that because I am in a sentimental mood. One of my guy friends, strictly platonic, came over and we had a conversation about life, and love, and loss, and all things in between. We laughed and joked and watched "Brothers and Sisters." I mused about friendship and gave my spiel about collegiates not making (m)any real friends during their matriculation. Of course me being the person I am, I digressed and we began to talk, well I began to talk about ministry.

I was called to ministry in April of 2006 but I did not accept my calling until January 2007. As many ministers know, the calling to ministry is one that we question. Some ministers out there might still be questioning God. Some days, the person asking the questions is me. Well, I was telling my friend about how good church was today and how I was able to pray without fear because God's voice spoke through me. You see, ministry is scary. Knowing that lives are tied to mine is enough to make me grab my purse and run for the hills. But I stayed. And I continue to stay. You see, somewhere along this walk, God reminded me that ministry is not about me. He reminded me that He equipped me with the necessary tools to be successful because His spirit is all I need. His voice is the one I use to speak a word to His people. My obedience has no tangible reward for me, it impacts those God has guided into my path.

I remember not being able to recollect my motivation to attend church. It was during a period in 2008 when I could not find the willpower to press my way to the tabernacle. I was lost but I didn't want to be found. Most ministers believe that if they ignore their calling, it'll go away. Yeah, it definitely doesn't. I found myself ministering to friends even when I didn't want to. I found myself speaking a word in and out of season for the weary and heavy-laden. You see, God had still empowered me to speak peace into situations. God still used me.

I hid from God and He found me.

I lost myself in myself but He found me.

And for that,

I am In A Sentimental Mood